In Sunday’s message I made these statements:
“Marriage is a sacred covenant before God, and one that, when defined and pursued in accordance with His design, is ratified by Him through the establishing a sacred spiritual union. It is first and foremost a commitment to one another. A sound, healthy, and God-honoring marriage MUST be first and foremost, based on a permanent, unconditional commitment to your spouse.
If a marriage is first and foremost based on attraction, or romance, or sex, or the companionship of things you share in common, then you can expect the relationship to either crumble or be unsatisfying at some point. Attractions can change. Romance can wax cold. Sex can be seldom or even impossible at some point. Common interests are always evolving. And the reality is, it is not hard over time to meet someone whom you will think might provide any, or all, of those things better than your spouse might be providing them at any point in time (a scary thought, but we are fools if we don’t recognize it happens).
Are attraction, romance, sex and common interests bad? No! It is still true that any happy and healthy marriage is going to include many (or all) of those things (and many other aspects of what it means to be “one flesh”). And it is also true that happy and healthy marriages involve two people who are committed to establishing, pursuing, and cultivating all of those things to the extent possible.
But they MUST BE COMMITTED to pursuing those things. The COMMITMENT comes first. The other things are the byproducts of faithfully pursuing those commitments. Get the cart before the horse, and you’re going to have a hard time getting anywhere in your married life.”
Below is a video describing a marriage that demonstrates these realities better than I could ever try to express them myself. If you can watch this without crying, you need to watch it again, and think more deeply about it.